Of the Broken and the Hopeful

Sweet October chills ran right down our spines.
Warm November colors filled in  our eyes and cheeks.
Cold December nights couldn't touch the heat in our kisses.


I knew I shouldn't have had a taste. A taste of your lips, your skin and your love. A taste of hope. A taste of security.


And a taste of promise.


I shouldn't have clung so hard to the ghost in the corner and I shouldn't have left those broken hearts lying around where you could see.


But I did.


I remember my first kiss.


They weren't your lips, nor your eyes.


But, they were the first step to getting to yours.


I remember the first time I lay next to him, in his arms.


I was alone, even then.


Because, I was on a level that he couldn't reach.


But, I was within yours, but you didn't know I existed and I didn't care if you did.


I remember the first time he broke my heart. I cried enough to fill the oceans that separated us. I became my own island.


And eventually, you became my captive.


You washed up on my shores, where no one else could reach. You touched my sands and embraced my trees. You ate what I had to offer and you slept on the heart of my body.


In a way, I wish I had never met you.


Because, it's easier to never love at all.


I don't want to trust my heart with you. I worry about you. I'm jealous for you. I'm anxious for you. I'm willing to pour out my guts and more to keep you happy.


I would destroy myself for you.


How is that any way to feel for someone.


It's true.


How I want to leave you.


It's true.


That I make you mad just to see how far I can push you.


It's true.


That I wish I was in your arms everyday.


It's true.


That I want to be alone.


It's true.


That I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else.




Couldn't I love you from a distance?


But, I would want to touch you. For our fingertips to collide. I would want to fall asleep in your arms. Like we did every night we could. I would want to hold you, like I did when we first said 'I love you'. I would want to kiss you, like we did that early morning when we were so unsure about what we were. 


If I could slice through my skin, bleed my body dry and open up my heart and mind for you to see how I felt, I would and let my soul slip up to Heaven.


My thoughts are entwined with yours, and I can't help but love you so much.


There's such a thing as loving someone too much.


You and I both know it.


Because, we've both done it.


We've given too much where there was nothing to receive.






I want to let you go.


I never signed up to get hurt.


And while you say you won't, you can't be sure.






I remember the October morning.
I remember the first kiss.
I remember how I hated you.
I remember how I was disgusted by you.
I remember how I pitied you.


I remember how I felt you.
I remember how I was amused by you.
I remember how I liked you.
I remember how I fell for you.
I remember how I loved you.
I remember how I needed you.
I remember how I hoped for you.
How I worried for you.
How I broke my walls down for you.
How I opened up my scared heart for you.


 I remember how hurt I could be.
And now I know I don't want that again.


I know the pain.
But I know there could be more.
You're just asking for a heartache.
And I just want the good memories.
I'll fall asleep with you
and leave in the morning.
I'll leave you a note:
"One day, you will be loved."