IF.

Forgive and forget.

Forgive? Sure.
Forget? Hah, whatever.

You go through life, with a certain set of morals. They change over the years. Small and big changes.


And when you date, you usually try to date someone with the same views/morals as you, so there's a certain unspoken boundary that's not crossed.


It's the smart thing to do anyway.


But, what if you fall in love suddenly and quickly?
Father time just whizzes by you and drops this sudden bundle of love into your life.


It's not like you expected it.


So, as young and new love usually is, you dive in head first, barely stopping to unwrap it. And the love you find is "everything you thought it would be" and there's "absolutely no one in the world that could be anymore perfect."


And then, after a short while, that love starts to become... burdensome. 


You start to realize that you have to nurture it, pay attention to it and love it the same (if not more) back. 


And maybe you weren't really wanting love.... maybe you were content with just yourself.
But now you have this great thing... that can totally kill you from the inside out.


You could leave it at someone else's front door... or you could continue to keep it growing.


But, what if this person, the person that you have utmost respect and love for, isn't who you thought they were?


What IF, their morals are almost the exact opposite of yours?


What IF, the things they did, broke your heart? Almost every single time it was mentioned? 


What IF, you had seen people you loved go through the same thing and seen the horror that came from it?


What IF, everyone around you was in on it, and you were on the outside looking in?


What IF, the person you loved had stopped doing those things?


...What are you supposed to do?


You can't erase the past.

And you can't write the future.


What IF, they're arms around made you feel complete, but the things they had done was just too much to take?


What IF, they weren't who you thought they were?


What IF, you loved them so much that you had been blowing it off... trying to keep your heart from thinking about it?


In a selfish way, wouldn't it be WORTH putting that love down and moving on?


Because, while you're happy... you're still unhappy.


So, in a sense, you never win.


And if you were never there to win in the first place, why stay in the game?


Some things aren't worth holding on to.. and some things are...


But it takes more than just words to decide.


It takes action.


And it takes forgiveness.


It takes forgiving them.
For their past.


And most importantly, it takes forgiving yourself.
For letting yourself down and falling in love with someone that didn't stand with you, morally.


Maybe I've forgiven him.
But, I haven't forgiven me.


It's 4:30 in the morning.
And I just want to be alone.


It's 4:32 in the morning.
And I'm crying alone.


It's 4:35 in the morning.
And I'm ashamed of myself.


It's 4:40 in the morning.
And love's too strong an action.


Thank God I know how to let go.