An Infamous Introduction

Sometimes, I wish everyone in the universe would be quiet for like... a whole day. We could communicate with simple hand gestures, smiles and frowns and loads of effing hugs. 

.Just a thought.

It hurts.

To want to please everyone and at the same time want to please myself. To want to tear away from everything but being sewn onto everything all at once. It sucks to be my own person, but not without the help of other people. 

I know I can lose them all.

I know I could possibly be happy without it all.

To live in my own world where no one talks.

But I've always been pretty friggin good at talking.

.

It's an interesting thing.

The relationship I have with all my friends.

Made of loosely held secrets. Tears, regrets we try not to talk about or try to forget. We scheme, we dream, we love and we hate each other.

Sometimes, we don't give a shit, sometimes we're the reason we keep going on and sometimes we just shed our skin and let it all out.

It's nice. It's complicated. It's something we try to examine in silence.

It's kind of artsy.

We're all so effing clever.

And we don't tell each other we do it.

So, it's even schemier.

.

At this point in life, I think it would be an insult on my part if I said I was content.


18 years isn't much to talk about.


It's enough time to complete school.. but not enough to live.


There's a lot I would love to do, a lot that I've done and asked why the hell I did it later. I've had moments where my heart and eyes were both opened at the same time. I've had romantic moments, the kind you read in cheesy romance novels. I've found out what love is, the shit it makes you do and the shit you wished it didn't make you do. I've been heartbroken and broken hearts. I've been conceited and totally not. 


But, I haven't become an art teacher.
I haven't left the country.
I haven't taken a long ass road trip just because I can.
I've never taken a long drag on a cigar and just said, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."
I've never given birth.
I've never... done a whole lot.


So, eighteen is just the start to a very long road. Those first years were just getting me ready. My tests for an ultimate one.


And, just like I would before a test, can't say I'm ready. Because, I'm not. It's a big, and it's a small world out there. There's gonna be some difficulties. And there's going to be life drunken moments where everyone is beautiful and everyone's eyes are bright.


It's going to be friggin sweet.


I can't wait. 
But, getting to the end of the road
means moving.


And since humans are supposed to be hella able to adapt in any environment.
I shouldn't have too much of a problem, eh?


So, I'll take what the taught me in driver's ed.
I'll buckle up,
double check everything.
Start cautious,
go the advised speed limit
and check for road hazards.
Until I don't see any cops.


Then I'll do whatever the hell I want.
:)