Anything at all.
I would build a castle. Six of them.
Six huge ass castles.
Each one would be unique.
In one, I would put half of alllll the electronics in the world. I would fill it with fresh cut grass scents and loads of friggin guns. I would paint bunches and bunches of pictures and hang them all over the room. This particular castle would be built under the sea though. And have butt loads of windows, so that when you looked outside, you were looking out at another world. I would purchase a huge submarine and tie it to the castle, and to get to it you would have to scuba dive. This castle would have no stairs.
For the next one, I would build it somewhere cold. This place would have loads of snow everywhere but it would be a photographers dream. Inside, I would build lots of fireplaces and have loads of comfy couches. I would put TV's just about everywhere (except in the library) and in one room I would paint dolphins and oceans and in another would be Harry Potter themed. The kitchen would be the third largest room (next to the living room and master bedroom) and in it, I would put all the cooking ingredients known to man kind and even the ones that aren't.
In the next one, I would put the other half of all the electronics. I would build it far from any military bases so they could never track down the occupier. In the living room would be a TV that covered two walls and furniture that could produce chocolate flavored coffee beans at command. In this castle, a whole floor would be painted in nothing but camo. There would be a room dedicated to bass guitars and guitarists. There would be a stage in one room where a band could preform.
For the next one, I would build it somewhere in the UK. I would paint the whole thing purple. The drapes would be black and I would outline everything in whites and silvers. In one room, I would paint monarchs, in another I would paint a Nightmare Before Christmas theme. I would have one room full of friggin cameras and another full of clothes and make-up.
For the next one, I would build it in Missouri. Inside, I would build the biggest art studio anyone has ever seen. I would build the art studio at the very top of the mansion, so that the occupier could look out on everything and draw at his or her content. I would dedicate a room for every holiday there is, so that the occupier was almost forced to celebrate the designated days. I would build a beautiful pink room for the occupier's child. I would fill it full of brightly colored toys and washable paints. In the master bedroom, I hang a huge canvas on the opposite wall of the bed. The occupier can do whatever he or she chooses to do with it.
The next castle I build, will be the biggest and most thought-out castle of all. I will build it somewhere in Virginia, somewhere more beautiful than words. I will fill it full of the most extravagant furniture and electronics. This castle will have a beautiful balcony and a grand swimming pool. Sorrows and worries will not be permitted in the castle. And trespassers will be shot.
I would do that.
And if it meant that I had to live outside and watch them.
I still would.
They don't know how much their smiles mean to me.
And they think I'm not trying.
That I don't care.
What they don't understand,
is that I do.
More than they will ever know.
I'm just in a hard place right now.
I'm hurting.
And I don't want to bring them into it.
Sometimes, I feel like I can take care of it myself.
So I try.
I'm not leaving them out of anything.
I'm just preventing things from happening.
I love them.
And sometimes I just want to friggin strangle them.
...In a loving way.
